My heart goes out to you, Gray. There is so much help out there--12-step programs, SMART Recovery meetings, and therapists schooled in addictions. I began my sober journey with Annie Grace's book "This Naked Mind. I know it will give you important information to get started. There are other books that helped me as well. See my article 10 Outstanding Books to Help You Stay Fully Engaged in Your Sobriety. You can do it!